some ways to feel better
or, little practices that keep me going
Hi friends. 🍵
Last newsletter feels like a forever ago, doesn’t it?
My initial plan today was to discuss the concept of a zero draft, and why it didn’t work for me. When I thought of what might be most helpful right now, though, I realized I want to use this space to share three things I’ve been doing to manage my energy and emotions these days, in case it helps.
Before we dive into that, I wanted to touch on some current issues that are important to me:
#JunkTerrorBill
The Philippines is currently engaged in a battle for human rights and freedom of speech. The Anti-Terrorism Act of 2020 that our government is trying to pass makes the definition of “terrorism” incredibly murky, and gives authorities disproportionate power to arrest and detain anyone they deem dangerous. Activism isn’t terrorism. Neither is dissent. Under this law, they could be. Patricia Evangelista’s What Terror Looks Like captures the horror of this clearly.
Instead of taking care of the country and the numerous people who have lost their livelihood (and loved ones, and health) to covid-19, the current Philippine government has focused on revising the Terror Bill and pushing for its approval. If you’re interested in directly helping the Philippines or learning more, this website compiles initiatives that are in need of attention.
#BlackLivesMatter
As someone currently based in the US, it feels strange to call attention to this issue—I mean, isn’t it everywhere? As a Filipino, however, I believe it remains crucial to highlight this problem. I know that some parts of the Filipino community have remained silent—and that silence speaks volumes. I get it. There’s a lot going on in the Philippines; we have our own vile injustices to rally against. But this is not an either/or; in fact, it highlights why supporting BLM is so necessary. It’s critical for Filipinos and Fil-Ams to recognize that we have also been complicit in the injustice and oppression faced by black people.
To be honest, there’s a lot about this issue that I didn’t know or pay attention to, even after I immigrated to the US. Deepening my understanding of how I can be a better ally and advocate for the black community is one of the first steps I am taking. I’ve found this resource to be helpful, and I’m doing my best to listen, uplift, and make space for black voices where possible. If you’re looking for other ways to help, check out this link, or consider supporting the Carl Brandon Society.
In the tide of resources and retweets every day, I wanted to highlight two things: this essay by Tochi Onyebuchi, and this video featuring Kimberly Jones. If you haven’t viewed these, they are well worth your time.
Also: if you’re a Filipino, and want a primer on the issue, please feel free to email me. I’m no expert, but I’m happy to share what I know.
Onto the ways to feel better!
✍️
Write it down
This past weekend I got caught in a cascade of messy emotions about a thing. I tried ignoring it: wasting time on the internet, playing my ukulele, even taking a walk. It kept weighing on me. I realized I needed to get it off my chest by getting it on paper.
Writing things down forces me to articulate what exactly I’m feeling bad or uneasy about, and why. This works especially well for things where my initial reaction is I don’t want to deal with it. I’ve found that avoiding things doesn’t really work; instead the issue just keeps chewing on my brain.
Usually, when I write something down, I realize one of the following:
It’s not as big of an issue as I thought. This comforts me, and I’m able to deal with it better.
It is a big issue, worthy of my attention and energy. Now that it’s written out, I can start thinking of ways to address it. Maybe I need to consult someone else, or learn more, or take a certain action. Or maybe I conclude that I don’t have the strength to deal with this right now. Having admitted that to myself, my brain can then file it away as “something to deal with when I’m better equipped to.”
This method only works if I’m super honest with myself. I can tell when I’m not being honest because what I write down is sanitized or circular; the uneasy feeling just heightens. Done right, however, the issue comes clearer, and I start seeing a way forward.
🧘🏻♀️
Breathe and stretch
Last January, I started doing eight minutes of yoga as soon as I woke up. It seemed like a low-effort thing that could have a positive impact; because it was so low-effort, I thought I could perhaps turn it into a habit. I’m happy to say that I still keep this habit up today.
When it comes to physical activity, I’m incredibly lazy. I’ve never developed a gym habit because simply changing into workout clothes is a barrier for me. Short morning yoga works super well because I can essentially roll out of bed and onto the yoga mat. I shut off my phone alarm, open up YouTube, and play a morning yoga video. This is my favorite basic routine. I still do this one regularly, especially on days when I want to take it easy. I also like Yoga with Adrienne and Yoga with Kassandra.
I know yoga doesn’t work for everyone. I’m a skeptic too! But I 100% mean it when I say that this has positively impacted my health and sense of well-being. As I’ve started doing slightly longer routines and other types of workouts, I generally feel stronger and have more energy throughout my day. And it’s only eight minutes, which I can spare even on my worst mornings.
If you find physical activity too challenging, meditation and mindful breathing on its own is a great alternative. Even a one-minute meditation can make a difference in slowing things down and re-centering.
🗣
Ask someone
It’s hard to independently come up with answers to difficult things. There are certain things we just don’t know, others that we can’t suss out for ourselves, no matter how long we agonize.
Like a lot of people, I often struggle with asking for help. If I’m in an airport or train station, straining with my luggage, I will typically decline offers of help. It’s a reflex: I should be able to pull this suitcase, and I technically can…even if it would obviously be easier for the other person. It’s also probably my fault that it’s so heavy, anyway! When it comes to personal problems, I also genuinely prefer solving them on my own (usually by writing with an emphasis on self-honesty—yeah, that trick).
Recently, however, I’ve found myself asking for help with certain things much more easily. I don’t know if it’s because the coronavirus has made us all more generous and tender towards each other (?), but I’ve gotten better at asking for second opinions, sounding off ideas with friends, or seeking out experts. Amazingly, nothing has exploded!
For example, I’ve been interviewing for jobs lately. Since I don’t usually get feedback on my interviews, when I get a rejection, I could easily spiral into guessing why the opportunity didn’t work out. Only that doesn’t serve me because I can’t know what the hiring team was really thinking. So to be more productive, I’m talking to friends who’ve worked in my sector, and using career resources from school, to improve my job search.
Similarly, when I’m struggling with something writing-wise, I turn to friends for advice. This could be answering a mechanical question, like which injuries I can inflict on a character (thanks, doctor friends). Or it could be more of a thought-experiment, like hey, if I made this specific narrative change, do you think that would affect the integrity of my story? Here’s why I’m feeling torn about it. I’m very grateful to have people I can explore these questions with; sometimes even just articulating it to someone else helps.
But Isa! You might say. I don’t have friends I can easily ask!
That’s totally valid. Sometimes you’re not in a position to ask freely, or sometimes that resource isn’t available to you. When I’m in this situation, I “ask” in the form of research. Sometimes that means Googling my question. Sometimes I’ll look up books or articles on a certain topic (I’ve done this recently to understand the issue of police brutality better). Sometimes I’ll think of an expert whose opinion I admire, then I’ll look for interviews or podcasts with them. Sometimes I even look for Reddit AMAs! (I like going to author AMAs and asking them what they do when they get stuck.)
You don’t need to go it alone. The internet opens up “ways to ask,” even if it’s not in direct conversation. It can help to let others be your guide.
🌿
It’s been a pretty rough year so far, and it’s sadly likely that shenanigans will continue—after all, it’s only June. I hope you’re taking care of yourself through all this, in whatever ways work best for you. Try not to let your physical and mental health get too depleted. Listen to your body or brain when it’s telling you things are too much. Get some sleep.
Keep looking for joy where you can. Yesterday I found it in the park, while walking my dog. A man with an amazing beard was doing knee-ups on a tree stump, his giant hound sunning next to him. Two boys were sharing a scooter, zipping along the path. A girl sat on the grass, painting a tiny canvas, deeply absorbed in her work.
Stay kind and stay open. To others, and to yourself, too.
Thanks for reading! I’ll see you in two weeks—again, the plan is to chat about zero drafts. If you liked this, feel free to share it with others, or sign up if you haven’t yet. And if you have a writing-related question you’d like me to answer, leave a comment below or hit me up at yap.isabel@gmail.com.